Your Chesbonim and eventually your praying and meditating will give you a Wisdom that is clear vision, the power to see "that which is" without attempting to fit it into any mold. Wisdom, therefore, is the only channel by which an Infinite God may enter our lives.
Chapter Five: Vidui - Confession
Going Over Your Chesbon Ha Nefesh Gadol with God and Your Rabbi
Now that you have made your chesbon ha nefesh gadol, you have an exacting moral inventory of your soul. Although you have put it in writing, only you have seen it. What have you learned about yourself? You have probably found that you exhibit some dishonesty and ego. The ego is manifested in your selfish, self-centered and self-seeking behavior. You have seen how your fears have exercised control over your life. You have documented your negative behavior toward people against whom you have harbored grudges and resentment. You have revealed the power you have given these things over your life. You have recorded your own character defects, called sins by some religions, such as lying, stealing, gossiping or adultery.
So now the question is what to do with this information? You probably want to burn it and never think about it again, but, alas, that card is not in the Jewish Spiritual Renewal deck. This is the chapter in which you will learn that you must share these secrets! You can probably easily get past part about telling God because, as you know, God already knows. However, telling somebody else, another human being who may just turn out to be your Rabbi, is another story. Ugh!
Two five-year-olds, one Jewish, the other Catholic, are playing in a sandbox. Sean says to David, "Our priest knows more about things than your rabbi!"
To which David replies, "Of course he does. You tell him everything!"
Rebbe Nachman, to whom I referred in the prologue, said that the purpose of confiding in another human being is to unburden the soul as part of the process of repentance and healing. Modern psychology supports this idea. Psyche means soul. In this chapter you will learn an easy, time proven method for baring your soul to another.
Admitting your faults to yourself in a solitary self-appraisal is a critical positive step, but alone it is insufficient. If you avoid taking the further step of sharing your chesbon with another person, you feed your ego and fail to learn humility. Understand that humility is not the same thing as humiliation, so don't confuse the two. When you reach this point in your Jewish Spiritual Renewal, you should have enough faith and trust in God to have done away with some of your egoism and fear, and gained the humility to move forward. Vidui (confession) is 100 percent Jewish. It is done at this phase of Renewal, it is done daily, and it is done on our deathbeds. Yes, Jewish people do have confessional last rites.
Our tradition is extremely critical of those who embarrass others and likens it to the heinous crime of murder: "The blood rushes to the cheeks of the embarrassed person and then drains leaving a pale white face, not unlike the appearance of a dead person." (Talmud Bavli Tractate Shabbat 58b). To embarrass somebody is considered even more odious than murder, for murder entails finality. A single person, however, can be embarrassed numerous times, in effect killing that person time and again.
The sages also direct attention to those who are embarrassed by their own deeds: "Anyone who commits a sin, and is embarrassed by it, is forgiven for all transgressions." (Talmud Bavli Tractate Beracoth 12b). This declaration is rooted in the words of the prophet Ezekiel: "So that you will remember and be ashamed... when I have forgiven you for all you have done, says the Lord God." (Ezekiel 16:63).
These passages tell us that a feeling of embarrassment or shame before confessing is a good thing. It is human. It is a sign that you want to change you ways.
Q: What is the most common disease transmitted by Jewish Mothers?
A: Guilt.
So now it is time to put any embarrassment you may feel aside and prepare to be completely honest. I guarantee you that when this is done, when you have shared every nook and cranny of your past and you put your pride in your pocket, you will be able to begin a true Spiritual connection, and be at true Shalom.
The person with whom you choose to share you Chesbon need not be your rabbi, but it does need to be someone you trust to be a God-loving person, not to mention one who can keep his mouth shut. If your rabbi does not fit the bill, call a rabbi in another town, so as not to embarrass your rabbi. If you cannot identify a suitable rabbi, call a priest at a Catholic church, or another clergyman. If you know of a God-believing psychiatrist, give one a try. Something you should keep in mind, however, is that most of what you have done in your life has human witnesses. If you can't think of anyone you would trust with this very sensitive task, I will be glad to help you find somebody. Feel free to give me a call or send me an email.
A huge misconception shared by many Jews is that confession of sins is not a "Jewish thing." It is a widely known practice in the Catholic Church and is therefore perceived to be the exclusive purview of Christians. Confession is, in fact, very much a part of Judaism. There are differences from the Christian practice though. You may have seen a Catholic confession portrayed in a film or television scene in which a parishioner confesses his sins to a priest, who then gives him instructions to do his penance. As Jews, we don't do penance. We don't use Rosary beads either! Note that your chesbon is about your sins against other humans, but there is also room for sins against God. For example, if you haven't been keeping Shabbat and consider this a sin against God that you wish to change, He will help you make that change. For the harm that you did to others, you will learn how to correct that in a later chapter.
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Parasha Terumah: Exodus 25:01-27:39
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"Carry On. Love is Coming. Love is Coming to Us All"
On a quick reading, this Torah portion may appear to be from Architectural Digest. It contains blueprints given to Moses by God on how to construct the Mishkan, the Tabernacle and resting place of God. The corresponding Haftarah from First Kings 5:26 gives King Solomon's plans for the building of the
One of the earliest commandments given to our ancestors in the construction of the Tabernacle has to do with its portability. In Ex. 25:12 we were commanded to put four gold rings on the Holy Ark, two on each side. In the next verse we are told to make wooden poles covered in gold that will fit thru these rings. And in verse 15, we are given the mitzvah: "The poles will remain in the rings, they shall not be removed from it." And into this portable
Traditionally, we are taught in Talmud Bavli Tractate Sotah (daf 35A) that the
In the nineteenth century, Rabbi Hirsch, who was quoted last parasha in this series, stated that the eternal presence of the non-removable poles symbolized the concept that Torah is not tied to any one place. Wherever Jews go, willingly or otherwise, he writes, "Torah goes with us, as its means of transport are always attached to it." How have we transported Torah over the centuries? We have done so not with buildings built for vanity but through study and transmission of Judaic values from generation to generation. In Ex. 25:08 note that we are commanded to "make a sanctuary for Me - so that I may dwell among them." We are to build our modern synagogues, and even their additions, dedicated, to God's service. Says Rashi, 900 years ago, elegant synagogues are meaningless if built for ego's sake and not God's sake.
God, we are taught in the Mishna Pirkei Avot, dwells among us in a variety of ways even after the
Frankly, it has been posited that the sacking of the first
What we Jews have learned is that our religion is not confined to the Mishkan in the Sinai, to the Temples of Jerusalem, or to our synagogues on Shabbats. Our religion is a way of life, a way of living our lives. God is everywhere. God does not just reside in the Tabernacle.
Being good, decent people brings God into our midst. We do not need a high priest to say God's name secretly once a year for us. By doing good, studying and transmitting Torah to our children (and ourselves), by taking time off for renewal each Shabbat, being good parents, being good spouses, being good friends and doing ahavath chesed (acts of loving kindness), we build our own spiritual Mishkan over ourselves for God to dwell with us. This is the basis of the religion of Judaism as formulated by our rabbis in our Talmud and other texts.
The German Jewish philosopher Martin Buber drew a detailed commentary between the chapter of Genesis, where God creates the world, and this chapter, Terumah, and others in Exodus where we create God's resting place on earth. In Gen. 2:1-2 "God finished the work," and in Ex. 40:33 "Moses finished the work." In Gen. 1:31 God "beholded" that His work was very good and in Ex. 39:43, our people "beholded" their work. It is we who have the obligation to bring the Shechinah of God's Holy Presence every day into our lives and into the lives of those around us. We imitated God, according to Nehama Leibowitz in Studies in Shemot (Exodus) by building the Tabernacle and the
We need to continually imitate God by doing acts of kindness, justice, mercy, and love as well. Buber says that God dwells wherever we let him in. The Gaon Sa'adia says there is no place without God. Was God there in
Each of us today needs to be our own portable Tabernacle, continually rebuilding the Mishkan in our own souls and hearts, growing spiritually, and renewing spiritually, and as the prophet Micah said, "walking humbly with God."
Shabbat Shalom:
Rabbi Arthur Segal
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